First of all, this is not much of an EMS post, more of a rant…so bear with me.
It’s 0439 right now, and I’m awake, been this way since 0221 this morning. Not because of some call, no, but because at exactly 0221 this morning, someone kicked my front door. Not just a little kick either, a big, trying to break the door in kind of kick…something we would do if we saw someone lying on the floor unresponsive and we had a locked door in front of us. The White Puppy immediately reacted. He jumped up and ran to the front door, sounding the alarm the whole way. I was on the phone with 911 the whole time. As I get to the door, I see it’s opened a bit, and The White Puppy charges past my legs and out the (opened) front door. He runs amok for a few minutes, sniffing the deer tracks and peeing on anything he can find before coming back inside to watch his Mistress from the front window.
The cop who arrived yelled at me for my dog getting out and asked me how I would feel if my kid was being mischevious and played ding-dong-ditch and got bitten by a dog.
My response:
“Good on the dog for protecting his owners and property. After I was done beating my childs’ ass for doing such at 2am when s/he’s supposed to be in bed, I would take him to the ER where he’d have to explain that, while tresspassing on private property at 2am, he was bitten by the family dog. Then the next day, when I was sure people were home, I’d take him to the houses that he hit and make him apologize for terrifying a family or multiple families. S/He would then work to repair the damages inflicted on the home and/or do labor for the family, cutting grass, raking leaves, ect until such time as we feel he’s learned his lesson. This would all be concurrent with having to face the legal aspect of having criminal tresspassing/attempted burglary/whatever statute the law decided to tack on…and I would NOT fight to get them out of trouble.”
Mind you, this is the 5th time in 3 weeks my house has been “hit”. The door to my garage was busted open, my doorbell has been ripped off, and now the lock on my door is loose. They weren’t just trying to make noise and run, I honestly feel that someone is trying to break into my home, or at least scare us bad enough that we leave. The cops keep saying that it has to be a bunch of juveniles just trying to be funny.
I think not.
Funny would be at 1600 them knocking on my window just to rile the dogs up and running. Funny would be ringing the doorbell and hiding in the bushes, playing that game a few times. Funny would be leaving flaming bags of dog shit on my porch for me to stomp out.
Kicking my front door so hard the vanity windows on either side crack is not funny. Kicking my side door so hard they busted the frame is not funny. The cop asked if I had a gun. I explained to the cop that, due to my serious lack of firearms training, I do not own a gun and will not until I’ve had training on how to use it properly. My father taught me that, if I plan on leveling the buisness end of a gun at someone, I better plan on killing them. The officers’ response:
“Not my problem you don’t have a gun. Keep the dog locked up or we’ll take the dog. The dog isn’t even allowed to bark viciously at someone who may be an intruder until they are in your home and in your personal space.”
So, since I need to (effectively) defend my castle, and I can’t use something that probably wouldn’t cause mortal wounds, I guess I need to upgrade and look at purchasing a home defense weapon so that, instead of giving a criminal tresspasser (my front door is almost 30 ft if not more from the sidewalk, it’s not like I have 6 inches of grass and then my front door. You actually have to make the effort to come to my front door, so yes, they are tresspassing in a serious way) the opportunity to run the hell away, I need something that, if needed, can effectively stop someone once they are in my home.
If someone makes it through the front or side door, it will be the third time they have made unlawful entry into my home. If I wanted people in my home whenever the hell they felt like it, I’d leave my front door unlocked, the silver on the table, and diamonds hanging from the key hooks. Signs would be posted, “Please, come on in! I won’t do anything!” So, anyone out there in EMS blogger land has any good ideas of a home defense weapon, that’d be great. I’m looking for classes on how to shoot anything, but I’m leaning towards a shotgun. I figure the loud click-clack of the gun being racked should be enough to deter someone, but who knows…I may get sued for making someone who, I feel, was threatening my home by kicking on/trying to kick in the front foor, scared for their life because I’m bearing down on them with a shotgun…
Defending my Castle,
~M. Trommashere~


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