Happy Birthday to Me!

Yes. It's a picture of me.

So, I’m doing this early.  My second Blogaversary will be on June 12th, but since I will be in the midst of recovering from back surgery, I’m going to go ahead and do it early.

I didn’t do one last year; too many things were going on that I was unable to be officially reflective on what happened during the year.  With the sudden illness of my grandmother and several personal issues going on in my life, my post would’ve been nothing but a rant about how horrible my life was at that moment, instead of looking back on the good and bad of the entire year.  So, without further ado, here it is.

 

My first year was overall fantastic. The warm welcome from both established bloggers and ones who were just as new as me was a very wonderful experience that I will never forget. The friendships that I made, some closer than others, will be cherished forever.

This year has definately been marred by several bad experiences: my injury, losing my certification, the lost of loved ones and the deaths of patients that I will never forget would make me want to say that overall, this year was a bust. At the same time, I realized just how much I grew this year.  In years past, I’m pretty sure…no…positive, that the loss of my certification after I worked so hard to get it would cause me to go find the most secluded place I could and I would conduct an experiment to see just how gunpowder tasted.  That was how vitally important being a Paramedic was to me; without it, I felt like I would be nothing.  I still feel like I’ve lost a body part or broken up with a long term lover, but the sting of failure has gone away, a little each day.

It’s been almost a relief actually, in a very round about sort of way.  The rules here are very specific; long story short, you have to be actively serving as a Paramedic, actively meaning keeping up with a normal schedule of working as a Paramedic, to keep your certification. If you are injured, or for whatever reason out of work for an extended period of time, you will lose your qualifications and have to recert through the entire process to become a Paramedic again. If I wasn’t injured, I would be pulling my hair out, stressing about attaching myself with another service.  Now, I can take it easy and decide if staying here in SmallTown is a good idea, or if moving somewhere else is in my best interest.

I think the theme for this year would be growth. I’ve grown so much over the past 365 days, some of it good, some of it bad. I will say I’m less open emotionally, but that has stemmed from discovering that the people whom I thought were friends really weren’t. It’s not uncommon for me to close myself off after an emotional blow like this, even to the people who have always been there for me, so to anyone who’s noticed my aloofness or that I’ve not been as friendly or as open, I’m sorry.  I’ll come around, eventually.

My faith has grown because it faultered; there’s nothing like questioning the existence of a higher power because of how hurt you feel and how alone you feel, wondering how a ‘good and all powerful being’ could allow someone to feel such pain, and during the next day, hearing of a friends’ child, who was very ill and was given absolutely no chance of survival after a horrific, lenghty illness, to suddenly become well.  It’s just not my time, it’s in someone elses time, and I’m okay with that.

Emotionally I’ve grown because I’ve relearned something I’ve known all along; the world won’t end just because my life sucks.  I decided one night that, I wasn’t going to get out of bed. My world had stopped turning, so my part in everyone elses world would have to end as well. I was taking my toys and going home. No one elses world stopped, though.  I had a dog to handle and for him, his world revolved around me.  If I didn’t insert myself back into his world, he wouldn’t get trained, so I had to do that. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t hide out.  Too many people wanted to be a part of my world, no matter how bad mine was doing at the moment. I had friends and family who still relied on me to be me, no matter what. I had to put on my big girl panties and deal.

I did have some wonderful times this year.  I got to be a part of something bigger than me. I talk all the time about wanting to leave a footprint, to work on something that’s bigger than myself and to be a part of something.  I got to do that. Even though my name will never be up in lights, I’ll never be the biggest or the best, but the things I got to do this year; become a Godmother (yay!), I became an Aunt three times over (not biological sisters, but we’re close enough we should be), got to watch TWP do his first long distance search and he did extremely well for it being the first time he ever put all the pieces of a search together (yes, I had a proud mama moment!), helped to get the framework together for a friend to begin working as the owner of their own EMS service, and all the little moments; the smiles, the hugs, the handshakes, and the gratitude I got from the patients I worked with.

Along the way I made new friends, reconnected with others, and even found myself letting a few go in the interest of the greater good.

I don’t think I’d change it for the world.

So, happy birthday to me and I hope everyone is having a great summer.

Have fun and be safe,

MT

 

Comments

  1. Happy Blog-a-versary! Glad that you are sticking with it and didn’t decide to try the taste of gunpowder. That’s a miserable feeling and thought.
    A little bird told me that surgery has gone well, best wishes for a quick recovery!

  2. Skip Kirkwood says:

    The rules here are very specific; long story short, you have to be actively serving as a Paramedic, actively meaning keeping up with a normal schedule of working as a Paramedic, to keep your certification. If you are injured, or for whatever reason out of work for an extended period of time, you will lose your qualifications and have to recert through the entire process to become a Paramedic again.

    THIS IS BULL*&^%! Please contact me off-line (skipkirkwood@nc.rr.com) so that I can learn more about this draconian state, and see if we can make a run at changing these rules. I’ll bet that this is NOT true for a physician, nurse, or plumber for that matter. What a crock!

  3. Yikes, only $7-10/hour? Man, that is so underpaid for what EMTs have to do. The EMT-Bs in my area start off at $16/hour, and that usually just about doubles after you have your EMT-P. Medics make $10-15 per hour with less than 5 years experience in Texas, on average. It looks like you are trying to say that EMT-P’s make over $30 an hour, which is more than RN’s, which would unusual if true. (Unless you are in an area with a high cost of living.) Realize that EMS is not a degreed field—you would expect someone with a bachelor’s or even a master’s to make much more. I have a bachelor’s degree, so I recieved the high end ($15/hour) with less experience, but in order to get paid more I had to agree to do more “transfers” and less 911. The highest paid area in Texas, that I know of, is Austin, which starts paramedics at $40,000. You have to keep in mind that in New England, medics are paid double, but so is every other job. This is because everything else is doubled—–cost of food, houses, cars, etc. Cost of living is something to keep in mind. Cost of living is relatively low in Texas. **It is well known that EMS (along with other public safety—-police, fire) is a low pay career. This is because of the lack of college degrees required for such jobs. Sure, some jobs ask for them, but they are no more than an associate’s degree at a community college, and that too is rare.

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